Dear Reader,

Hello. My name is Colin Cunningham. I am 23 years old. I'm a Scorpio born on November 6th, 1984. I've been through many incarnations within this lifetime. The most recent one brings me to Columbus, Ohio within the Short North area. I have very little to say about my current foundation except that it is with my significant other and his best friend in a small condo west and north of downtown.

I haven't spoken on this blog in quite some time. At one point I'm sure there were those who followed my small opera. I expect most of those few have left onto better ventures. All that I have now is an outlet for my own creativity. I am thankful that I have such an outlet. I feel free of judgment at this point. I feel that the time I've been absent has created a sense of freedom I've never previously felt.

All my life up until now has been crafted to impress those around me. Never before this moment have I been so focused on what I really want. It's hard to decipher who of my friends is with me or against me, and that reassures me that I'm finally making the right decisions.

I wish the best of luck to those behind me. I wish the best of luck to all of those who have graced my life, whether I, or they, would deem them a negative or positive influence. To anyone who has led me to the path I currently walk, I say, 'Thank you.'

This is Colin. This is the person I've always wanted to be, and all I have to say to everyone who has graced my life over the past few years is, 'Thank you.'

Good night and god bless.

Colin, xoxo

Retracing Footsteps

From where I stand I can look out over the precipice and see oblivion. Another step on this long and dangerous journey would have been the end. There is no room on the ledge for both feet, for the other is already headed in the opposite direction. I turn to retrace my footsteps and see that my entire journey has been surrounded by the abyss. A single misstep would have taken me over the edge.

There is life to return to. Standing here in the bitter cold it warms my heart to know that I'm going back to the path that needs me. There are those that care for me waiting there too. Though no less dangerous now that spiritual path is one of peace and awareness. My true life waits for me, and with every conscious decision I grow closer.

Everything in life is a circle returning onto itself. I'm now no more than a pattern. I'm sending my feet into steps that they only just left, and yet I only remember them when retaken.

In this awareness I find my mind, abandoned to take part in the noise surrounding my every step. Along this path I discover my heart, bitter and frozen to keep from being broken. With every step I begin to feel my body, abused and polluted to keep from being alive.

I can see now that I've glossed things over, sending them backward, so that they might lose themselves in the clutter of so many unanswered questions. I've covered my life this way - putting my hands to tasks that I pretend need me - when it is I that needed them.

While the emptiness inside us remains unfilled, what could ever change? If you don't fix the real problem, you'll just create them again.

G'Night, Cupid.

Every story has an exposition, an inciting incident, rising action, climax (turning point), falling action, and a resolution. The exposition begins the story, laying out the setting, characters, and time. The inciting incident leads to excitement and drama. The climax is where everything comes to a head and turns into the falling action. Finally, the story is concluded in it's resolution.

This story on a whole is neverending. It runs in cycles. The chapter is called "Cupid". The name given to me by a soul that I will always love, no matter what roll it plays in my life. However, every chapter must end, and this is my ending.

* * *

I guess it began around Pride weekend 07'. It was somewhere around there that I began to realize that I'm on my own. I have to work as an independent force socially, financially, emotionally, and mentally. Columbus is like a canvas and I am the most unique color of paint.

I've only just started making connections, having experiences, living my life, and seeing things I've already seen - for the first time. I don't even know what I was so wrapped up in doing. Maybe it was simply my own wall, but whatever it was it had made my world so small and limited that I couldn't even see the people around me for who they really are - Lighthouses.

That, in it's own way, brings us to the past week - a sort of "Pride 07 Continued".

But first, let me say this, "we are all here to do what we are all here to do". I used to want to live someone's life for them. I used to try to mold others' dream around my own. I wanted to not only share my life with this person, but I wanted to shape how they lived theirs. I wasn't doing my own work; because I was busying myself by trying to do someone else's.

I think most of you still reading understand what I'm saying...

Basically, I was trying to turn someone into who I wanted them to be, not who they really are. Now, after everything, I'm starting to see who they really are. It's like standing so close to someone you can't see the Why... You... I... could only see the What... Now I finally understand the motives, not just the actions. It all sort of makes sense in it's own way.

* * *

I've developed love, a compassion, towards everyone. There may be one or two individuals that I'm still trying to process in my mind and my heart, but I need more than anything to just love. Everything.

Everyday I truly see more and more. I'm realizing that everyone, no matter who they are, no matter what I think they've done against me, and no matter what opinion I have of them; everyone is an extension of me. For better or worse everyone shares aspects of me and there's nothing inside of them that isn't inside of myself.

We are not seperate.We are one.This story begins and ends in my mind. Regardless of it's conflict, there will be a resolution. Everyone will be better for it. This story; in it's drama, it's hopelessness; is a love story. I am the subject, and I am the teller. This is my story.

From here on I will do my best to just Love. Everything. Without doubt, without pain, without weakness, without ache. Love.

As always,
Colin: (xo)

Fade to White

In these final moments, the world where I've been seems so much darker than the world that welcomes me. I see a summer full of new friends, new experiences, new places, new smiles, new laughter, new heart, new body (bodies! ), new XoXo's, and new outlook.

Work is going to keep me responsible and focused, while my friends keep me traveling and partying.

Cookouts. Virginia Beach. Praying. Reading. Working out. Swimming. Dancing. Loving.

Oh, this is going to be a great summer! Your about to see a whole new C

Love,
theCupid xo

A Letter to Carly Simon Regarding Her Charges of Vanity

this is a halarious account from McSweeney's.

Dear Carly,

Nice song. Wow, you really stuck it to me, eh? Yes, ma'am.

Jesus, you are one bitter woman, Carly Simon.

Listen, I'm pretty busy right now with high-profile meetings and social engagements, but there were things I simply could not let stand.

First of all, that party took place on a yacht. So the way I walked in was perfectly appropriate. In fact, there is a certain way that one is expected to conduct oneself in such a situation. I could explain but I doubt you're interested. As for the apricot scarf and the tilted hat, again, perfectly appropriate for a maritime soiree. Look it up. I'm sorry you had a problem with that. Funny, there were plenty of girls that night who certainly had no quarrel.

Secondly, yes, I went up to Saratoga for an important horserace. And yes, my horse won, thanks to years of training and the hard work of all the people involved. Is this a bad thing? And yes, I did take the jet to Nova Scotia. I would do it again in an instant. Have you ever seen the total eclipse of the sun, Carly? It's one of the most amazing natural phenomena one could witness, so, if I have the means to see it, I don't see that as vanity, I see it as being fully alive. I also took 35 orphans up there with me, free of charge, but there's nothing about that in your song. All right, I didn't really do that. But I thought about it and that's what matters.

Third, pursuant to your charge that I was with an "underworld spy," I can't discuss that. But I am known to spend time with wives of close friends. And what do I do with said women, Carly? Talk. Have tea. Catch a movie or attend a polo match. These women's husbands are entertainers and travel quite a bit, so I spend time with them, because that's what friends do. And sometimes I have sex with them. But not as often as you might think.

Look, we could bicker over these particulars all day long and accomplish little. My chief quarrel with you is more existential: I know the song is about me, so how does recognizing that fact make me vain? Honestly, if someone shouted "Hey, Carly Simon!" at you and you turned around, would that be a sign of vanity? No. It would be a simple recognition of reality. If the song were actually about Spiro Agnew and I thought it was about me, that would be vain. But your use of the second person ("you're so vain") combined with the details about the horse and the jet and the apricot scarf, leaves no doubt. So I'm vain? I'm not deaf, is more like it.

And a bit of advice: if you're going to call someone vain, avoid lyrics like "I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee." What the pot calls the kettle, my dear.

I will not pursue legal action, Carly, because I'm far too busy and, believe it or not, I still have fond memories of our time together, when you were still quite naive. I find naiveté enchanting. It leads me to make promises. As you know. But I do hope that you try to think a bit more fairly before you record any other potential screeds. Best of luck to you, regardless.

With love from your vain muse,Mick Jagger or Warren Beatty or Kris Kristofferson or whoever the hell I am

the Narcissistic 8-Ball

and now, a list of psychic predictions from a narcissistic 8-ball:

Not as much as I will.

You will have to wait behind me.

Come on, look who you're asking.

My source says, "Moi."

Looking good........ Just like my sweet ass. Bitch.

Sonovabitch!

Sometimes I wonder to myself, "Why can't I just - get it right!?"

Then I think about all the hopeless, careless whores in the world and I realize that I'm not one of them.

Then I comfort myself in knowing that at least I'm on the right path.

Haha.