FB

Retracing Footsteps

From where I stand I can look out over the precipice and see oblivion. Another step on this long and dangerous journey would have been the end. There is no room on the ledge for both feet, for the other is already headed in the opposite direction. I turn to retrace my footsteps and see that my entire journey has been surrounded by the abyss. A single misstep would have taken me over the edge.

There is life to return to. Standing here in the bitter cold it warms my heart to know that I'm going back to the path that needs me. There are those that care for me waiting there too. Though no less dangerous now that spiritual path is one of peace and awareness. My true life waits for me, and with every conscious decision I grow closer.

Everything in life is a circle returning onto itself. I'm now no more than a pattern. I'm sending my feet into steps that they only just left, and yet I only remember them when retaken.

In this awareness I find my mind, abandoned to take part in the noise surrounding my every step. Along this path I discover my heart, bitter and frozen to keep from being broken. With every step I begin to feel my body, abused and polluted to keep from being alive.

I can see now that I've glossed things over, sending them backward, so that they might lose themselves in the clutter of so many unanswered questions. I've covered my life this way - putting my hands to tasks that I pretend need me - when it is I that needed them.

While the emptiness inside us remains unfilled, what could ever change? If you don't fix the real problem, you'll just create them again.

It's About Time

The Big Bang. Genesis. Impact. Dinosaurs. Impact. Humanity. Fire. The Wheel. Ice Ages. Jesus. Stone Tablets. Printing Press. Electricity. The Internet. The Future.

Time is an illusion. It is continuously measured through memory and events. The Universe does neither recognize nor yield to it. Humanity uses it's milestones and machines to measure it. Individuals take advantage of it and at times, don't realize that we are here for a cosmic blink of the eye. The past is an accumulation of our perceptions, and the future is subject to pure fantasy.

The Universe knows no time or era. Things are now as they have always been. Planets and stars effect each other permanently, but no recollection remains of their previous state. There is no emotional attachment to "the way things were" or "the way things are going to be". Of course, it's impossible for an individual to live this way, but what becomes of a person without attachment to the past or future? What mindset is created by not holding onto everything around you?

Time is an image created by our individual minds. Our memories are ours to serve a purpose. We are made to choose between a life of meaning and a life of happiness; both cannot be had.
A life of meaning means being constantly troubled by the past and tortured by your future. It's about planning and adapting; adjusting your life to fit an ultimate goal. The alternative to that is a life of happiness. A life of happiness is a life without attachment or preconception; no recollection of time. It is a double-edged sword, both our tool and our demise.

One life can be many. Each remarkable change can be seen as a death, and each end begins a new set of events. In order for people to feel alive we have to measure our lifespan as one line; from definite beginning to certain end. In reality, though, consciousness is a circle upon circle. Our relationships, our jobs, our goals control our lives. For someone even slightly off-center it's like the worst kind of spin cycle. If I just let it all go I could at least find my ground...

Time. Months. Days. Hours. Minutes. Seconds. All of these things - created by us. They are given to us as tools to drive us toward our goals, and necessary to measure where we've been and where we are going. These measurements give us an emotional attachment to the past and the future. The truth is that every day is exactly the same. We are here for a moment and then we are gone. We cannot change the past nor can we dwell in the future. The present is the only certain thing.

This is the Cupid: (xo)

[character]: Prologue

In that moment, the moment I died, time seemed to stop and fast forward - folding in on itself.
How long was I drifting? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years?

My mind immediately began clinging to anything to hold onto as it stretched and pulled itself from my own skull. It was different than I've ever imagined it. Nothing went dark. There was no light at the end of a tunnel. My very being rose and melted. My awareness tapered into oblivion in just an instant and I could perceive all that is, all that was, and some things that aren't yet.

All in one moment I could hear the thoughts and feelings of people I've never met in places I've never been. Through walls, skin, and stone I could see people doing what they do everyday. Not only could I see them though, I felt what they were feeling. I was dragged through every individual in what seemed like centuries of an experience. I could feel their sadness, their sorrow, their pain. I could hear and live the personal hell that people live in. I felt myself fall deeper into the face of Darkness... and then nothing.

In a single instant I drifted for ages, unable to grasp at anything physically or mentally. I began floating through the waters of time like driftwood. I was cast aside. The feeling of anything was completely over. Acknowledgement had ended. There was no heaven, no savior, not even a torturous end for me. My awareness settled and I noticed a small figure. It was lifeless and familiar. It's face was ominous and I perceived that perhaps it was my previous body over many lifetimes.

It was all happening in that moment. Time was no longer linear. I realized it to be an occurence that circled around and around. Everything essentially taking place at the same time.

I was distracted suddenly by a bright flash, and then another. The second one made me realize that I was seeing it physically, behind my own eyes. With all the velocity and force in all of the world that I ever felt in all my living life I had never felt anything like what was about to happen next. Like a bullet being shot into the ground at point blank range I felt the universe jerk out from under me and I was blasted back down into my own flesh...

Cupid: (xo)

Time and aging, while we are young, seems incredibly linear. As children we look up to the adults in our lives and see them in the next stages of our lives. We are born, we age, and then we die. However, early in life (hopefully) we realize that, instead, we live lifetimes and lifetimes inside of that line. Jobs, relationships, friendships, residences, and all our other experiences seem to be births and deaths themselves.


My name is Colin Cunningham. For whatever reason I've chosen to take on different names through my many lives. These names have included Akh, Archer, Ash, Skippy (Yes, Skippy.), Cole, and Cupid. These names have served their purpose in labeling each lifetime. Each name belongs to an era in this one, singular line. Always holding onto the name Colin, but adding a nickname given to me by a friend or family member.

Cupid, son of the goddess Aphrodite, was never able to love anything except himself, and instead, preferred to watch love flourish around him. Ever-concerned with his presence and his looks, Cupid's insecurity was reflected by his judgement and lack of compassion for other people. To me, adopting the nickname Cupid for any reason was a forshadowing of things to come I should have realized before I have.

It would make sense that a culmination of these aspects, not the individual personalities, would make up a balanced individual. Take the carefree attitude of Skipp, the charm of Archer, the nerd of Ash, the complete balance and center of Akh, and the love for myself and others of Cupid; and combine those things back into my life. Stability is the next step in my evolution.

I'm learning to appreciate myself, my faults and strengths, the people around me, and the experiences they bring. It's so amusing to me when life comes full-circle and you can see the bigger picture for what it is. Every end is truly a new begining and the stories are never-ending until the day we die.

This sudden change is the Wheel of Fortune to my Hermit. It is the next logical step in this cycle, in this lifetime, in this experience. My perspective and relations were without a doubt unexpectedly changed. This time for the better. I'm pulled from empty, outgrown shell to live another chapter. Life never ceases to suprise me.

A page turned. Change again.

This is Cupid: (xo)

an Angel

look at me
you know me
arms crossed on my shoulders
standing here half-natural
would you believe
i was an angel...

an angel.

would you believe
where i'm from and
that from my back
these blades
once held
two wings...

an angel.

would you believe
i have fallen
but hes still here
somewhere
waking to join you...

an angel.

would you believe
i just need someone
to need me
like i need you
my shining stars
you are...

all Angels.

look at me.
you know me.
would you believe?

darker places
ive never been
only seen them
in the eyes
of those
who fear

who fears?

not i.
not ever.